Beggars Domain

conflict

2007-10-21T18:07:00.001-07:00

The Seed of Discontent
I find myself in a state of unrest almost as often I find myself seeking rescue-which is often. I have often thought about what has been the root cause for this discontent; however, I have never really come to a conclusive answer. I must admit that my anxiety has found itself an outlet in times of stress and disorder- which is normal. And growing up in North America where being normal is the ambition of the lazy, it is both unsettling and frustrating to find myself normal. Perhaps that is the root of my unrest. ( I doubt it but if it is, isn’t that just normal as well?) For as long as I remember, I have had conversations in my head. Now please understand, I don’t mean conversations that might require medicine or residence in a cushioned room, but I have had conversations nonetheless. In college, I learned this is called diatribe. Diatribe is essentially an interior dialogue in the mind of an individual, whereby you are attempting to resolve conflict without actually having to interact with someone. You basically go over the argument in your head until, you have a resolution. Now I realize that by definition, I am talking to myself; however, I don’t often feel like I am talking to to myself, as much as I feel like I am talking out a conflict. Here is the problem: no conflict actually exists. I literally create a conflict in my mind: whether I think it is a potential conflict or a conflict that currently exists; and then I attempt to resolve the conflict. Now before you make the call to the local psych ward, allow me to ask you a question. How often do you argue with someone in your head? How often do you come up with a “response” to someone after you have ended the conversation? When was the last time you spent time mulling over the possible comebacks for someone who is always getting on your nerves or who makes an attempt to one-up you at every turn? I think most of us entertain diatribe on a amazingly regular basis. The difference between you and me may be that I cannot seem to resolve any conflicts. As a result, I constantly go back into the dialogue only to find myself more frustrated than before! The fact is that as I entertain the discussion I am not just discussing it inside my head, I am sabotaging a relationship I have with other people. This is because my diatribe typically includes a discussion with someone I know. (Not literally so put down the phone!) In the midst of conversation-with myself- I create conflict with someone with whom I may not actually have conflict. And whether I realize it or not, the next time I see that person- I have a conflict that they know nothing about. I believe that we do this quite often. I believe that whether we see it or not, we will often strain our relationships with people as a result of conflicts that may not really exist. We live in a culture where we are encouraged to disregard the opinions of others as insignificant and at the same time we are encouraged to buy something because everyone else has it. We are called to be focused on our own needs and wants and then ridiculed because we are oblivious to abject poverty of the world around us. Constantly we are reprimanded for a lack of compassion and then branded as a foolish for wanting to help those in need. This would all be understandable if we took a stand and attempted to be different from others expectations; however, we often just fall in line and then visit the same confusion on the next person who crosses our path. Conflict is healthy when a resolution is found; however, conflict that is not resolved, conflict that is never completely dealt with, conflict that exists just because, creates a field of barren soil that houses only seeds of discontent. So if you’ll excuse me I need to go and talk to the guy who sold me a worthless plot of ground.

My Escape

2007-10-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

As a young kid, I used to hide in my room for hours. Reading, listening to music, playing with my wrestling action figures.(not to be confused with “dolls”) It would be fair to assume that countless hours were spent attempting to create my own stable world in the one place that promised an opportunity to be exactly who I wanted. A world that was free from regret, free from doubt, free from the loss of time, free from a life less lived, because as it were in the midst of that space none of those fears existed. As a I got older, I found less opportunity to steal away to those moments. Excavating treasure Island was replaced with algebra and conjugating sentences. Pretending I was in concert on my 5th encore was replaced with angst and frustration as puberty robbed me of the great wonder of acceptance. I boxed up the action figures (not dolls) and put away my childhood in hopes of finding greater purpose in the world of adolescence. As time passed, so did the ambition of wonder. Much in the same way that those childhood moments of seemed to be released into the sky like a helium filled balloon, I watched the mystery pass away. Occasionally, I would steal away on a walk with my headphones and only the greatest of music selections for an hour or two. I found that I longed for the security of earlier days. Those moments when the expectations were not so overwhelming and the greatest conflict was determining which world title belt Sting would get. As I passed from the teenage years to adulthood, I got further and further away from the hope of yesterday. And yet as those times had passed, I began to look more earnestly at what yesterday had left me. While I did enjoy the moments of departure from reality, reality was to be far more important that those moments. With adulthood, I have found some new and wonderful escapes. The smile of my son and the celebration of all that is musical from my daughters. The wonder of marriage and what happens when people “become one”. The challenges sometimes prove to be more rewarding than the rewards- although the rewards cannot be fully expressed in words. I am finding that my life is rich. Even in moments when I pursue clarity, I know that I am not alone in my pursuit. My wife is the essence of patience when it comes to me. However, she is also the epitome of a helpmeet. I have found that she is available always-as long as she is not playing sudoku or spider solitaire. She is my escape. She is my rescue. Also, wrestling with her is a lot more fun!

The Death of Life

2007-10-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

What do I really believe about the death of Jesus? Not the actual historical, elementary presentation of His death, but necessarily the death of Jesus. Do I believe that it has implications for my life? My death? Your life? Your death? I am not positive what I really believe about the death of Jesus. It would be assumed that an acceptance of His death would suggest a change of perspective. A change of direction at least. However, what I find exists more often is a disregard of life. A disregard of human experience. A disregard of the emotional unrest that exists in the lives of many people. The death of Jesus was intended for more than just eternal salvation. More than just a momentary relief from the chaos that is often self-inflicted in the first place. The death of Jesus was meant to empower me to move forward through my seemingly congested moments between the cradle and the grave. It was intended to awaken my love for the mysterious, for the undetermined, for the often forgotten pursuit of life’s one singular promise- no promises! I find that I often celebrate the mediocre. I often join in the choir of songs for the undernourished, unmotivated, unadulterated life of blasé. However, it is the death that continues to bring me to the edge time and time again. It is the Spirit of life conquered death that ushers me into the realm of the unsettled. Where less days are wrought with the fear of normalcy than the days ruined by mystery. Because of the death of Jesus I am reminded that life has purpose, even if it seems the opposite most of the time. I do not long to live recklessly or without regard for others. I do not desire to live on the edge of my seat or by the seat of my pants. I do not desire the anxiety of the unknown, nor do I seek to be enamored by great signs and wonders. However, I do desire to live. To breathe in deeply the smell of good coffee. To know the fury of Oklahoma’s wind, only to know the foundation of her earth. I do long to get caught in the crescendo of the gathering storm, reminding me that I am but a minor player in this grand drama we call life. I long to see my wife caught in the wonder of her beauty; my daughters in the confidence of their kindness, and my son wrapped up in his smile. I long to revel in the wit of my sisters, the silence of my step father, and the undying love of my mother. I long to know the faithfulness of my wife’s mother and love her daughters have for her. I long to live. To rest in the mystery of the unknown. To trust that life will continue from day to day-with or without me. I pray that I am found worthy of a life lived in that moment. I pray that I begin to understand the death of Jesus.

Celebrating the Season?

2006-11-28T19:38:00.000-08:00

Simply put, I dread Christmas., much in the same way I dread the ring of the phone that shows “unknown” on the caller ID. I am not sure why I am so disposed to this holiday, but I know that it has been a constant strain on my Spirit for years. Being a follower of Christ, makes this all the more unnerving. I fear that much of my frustration stems from years of completely rending myself of all “traditions” only to find that without them I was in fact all the more empty. I wish I could blame horrific Christmas experiences, but I know that is not true-as most of these experiences were not extremely eventful, but hardly “horrific”. It would be easier to blame my family for a lack of consistency during the holiday seasons growing up, but that would be a fallacy as well. If anything existed during the holiday season it was consistency. Maybe I am still scarred by a failed relationship during the Christmas months. But then again, I am not vehemently opposed to March 15 or July 10 as a result of church camp or a failed test. The truth is that at Christmas among other times of the year, I feel so distant from the Lord. I look back on my life and wonder why I have not stayed the course more often or why I am so short with my children. Knowing that the arrival of Jesus brought about the greatest gift every bestowed on mankind- God in the flesh, can often feel debilitating when compared against the endless array of video games and chocolates that find themselves into the hands of those I love as a description of my love. I have long struggled with the ability to give gifts to others. I often wait in anticipation of an outcome that my Spirit just can’t take. I so long to see the smiles on the faces of others as I give to them the gifts I have pined away for them-only to fear what feels “inevitable”: their discontent or worse disregard. What I realize is that it is likely that God also despises the Holiday Season. The season, where in the western world, we have filled the time with stress, contempt, anger, fear, and doubt. Hoping to find the newest, fanciest, most technological, most “memorable” gifts for those we love or at least claim to love. In a time when those who follow after Christ the King should be celebrating the single most significant event in the history of humanity – the immaterial becomes material in the form of a fellow human being- we strive so diligently to not celebrate it. We don’t want to offend those who don’t accept it, nor do we want to come off as being a relic of what once was the standard for many. We are so intent on hanging lights or decorating the temple in which we abide, that we often forget to embrace the temple in which the Living God abides- the temple of ourselves. I am convinced that my problem has nothing to do with my environment- no one can tell me I can’t worship the risen King in spirit and in truth-,nor does it have anything to do with my upbringing –no one escapes this life without some disfunction. No in fact my problem has more to do with my selfishness. It has to do with the reality that I am still stuck in my own pursuits and as a result I despise the Holiday. I despise it because I cannot hide anymore in my work or “ministry”. I am unable to escape the undeniable reality of God becoming man and pitching his tent among us. I am required to draw back the burlap covering of the sheep pen and peer into the stall where Mary recovers from the pain of childbirth and Joseph cradles her in his arms assuring her that she will be fine. Where the stinch of Sheep dung and urine stain the air and the restless sound of animals can be heard in the surrounding stalls. And then in the manger where animals eat, I find the manna from Heaven. The child that didn’t just happen to be in the neighborhood, but sought us out specifically to win our lives for the cause of His Father in heaven. I am required to look at the fragile child and know that in Him is the source of life, the source of hope, the source of joy. I am called to accept the gift. And God watches in anticipation of an outcome that overcomes His Spirit. Longing to see the smile on my face for the gift that has cost Him so much -only to fear what feels “inevitable”: my discontent or worse my disregard.

Hot Topics

2006-10-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

Every month the Crossing (A ministry to college students and singles in Norman Oklahoma) participates in Hot Topics. Hot Topics are submitted approximately 1 week prior to the open forum. I review and research the topics and then we discuss them openly during at our mid-week worship experience: Emerge. After discussion, I post the topics on Beggars Domain for further discussion and insight. Feel free to find our hot topic and comment as necessary. As a disclaimer, I reserve the right to be incorrect or to change my opinion as a result of further research or comments. Have a great day!

Explain your opinion on demon possession, exorcism, and the likelihood of possesion for Christ Followers.

2006-10-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

Firstly, demon possession is a real phenomenon. I believe that it can be seen in some regards as far back as the time of David and King Saul. (1 Samuel 16:14; 19:9-10) Secondly, I believe that demons did and still can literally possess a human being or animal for that matter. Thirdly, I believe that demons are exorcised in the same manner that both Jesus and His Disciples exorcised demons. (Mark 3:15; Matthew 10:1-4; Luke 10: 1-11 – 72 disciples) Finally, I believe that demon possession is primarily reserved for those who voluntarily-either through intentional means or as a result of ignorance- open themselves up to demonic forces. i.e. occultists, animists, pagans, etc. It is my opinion that true followers of Christ are not vulnerable to demonic possession, but are susceptible to temptation. And if that temptation is embraced or is not handled properly can those believers can find themselves in a position to be open to possession.

Is premarital sex defined as a sin in the Bible? What about Homosexuality?

2006-10-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

While the term “homosexuality” is not used in either the Old or New Testaments of the Scriptures, there can be no denial of the prohibition of sexual intercourse with someone of the same sex. (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:26-27, 1 Cor. 6:9; 1 Timothy 1:10)

Also, the term “pre-marital” sex is absent from the Scriptures, but is more commonly referred to as “fornication”. In the O.T., fornication included, but was not limited to, “…any type of illicit sexual activity. Included in the realm of sexual misconduct in the O.T. are seduction, rape, sodomy, bestiality, certain forms of incest, prostitution (male or female), and homosexual relations (cf. Lev. 18; 19:20-22, 29; 20:10-21)” In the N.T. fornication included almost any form of sexual misconduct (that is, sexual activity outside the marriage relationship ( cf. 1 Cor. 6:9; 2 Cor. 12:21; Eph. 5:5; Col. 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3; 1 Tim. 1:10; Heb. 13:4; Jude 7 )

Did Jesus go to Hell during the 3 days he was dead?

2006-10-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

Honestly, this question is more about semantics than anything else. In the O.T. life post mortem (after death) was not fully worked out. It was not completely understood what occurred once a person had died in regards to the soul. However, it was accepted that a person went down to “sheol” (Num. 16:30, 33; Ezekiel 31:15-17) Sheol was the place for spirits without a body or the dead both wicked and good (Wicked- Numbers. 16:33; Job 24:19; Psalms 9:17; 31:17: Good- Psalm 16:10; 30:3; 49:15; 86:13). Whenever the LXX (Greek Version of the O.T.) was translated the word “Hades” was seen as a near equivalent to “sheol”. “It is a prison (1 Pet. 3:19), with gates and bars and locks (Matt. 16:18; Rev. 1:18), and it is downward (Matt. 11:23; Luke 10:15).” (Easton’s Bible) Finally, Gehenna was more readily identified as “hell” due to the graphic/figurative expressions given by Jesus as the final place of torment. (Matt. 8:12; 13:42; 22:13; 25:30; Luke 16:24, etc.) It is believed that Hades contained two compartments for the dead “paradise and torment”. Paradise is spoken of by Jesus in at least two places in the Scriptures: Luke 23: 40-43 and Luke 16:27-28 (Abraham's Bosom = Paradise). While he doesn't mention "tartura" which is the location for the wicked, he does refer to a place of torment in death. The belief is that Jesus had gone to Hades, specifically “paradise” to share with the faithful saints of the O.T. the message of grace. After sharing with the faithful, Jesus carried those saints to heaven with Him. A reference might be found in Ephesians 4:8-10, where it is stated that "When he ascended to the heights, he led a crowd of captives and gave gifts to his people". Some scholarship see this a reference to his descending into "hades" to lead the captives out. It must be stated that this argument is conjecture and based almost completely in silence. It has managed to maintain a sense of authority based on tradition. My opinion-and that is all that it can be- is that His descension into Hades is at best a discussion topic, but cannot be verified either through Scripture or even tradition as a whole. I don't have any difficulty with the idea, but am really unwilling to demand its acceptance.

The Silence of God

2006-09-19T04:31:00.000-07:00

Today I am saddened by the so many things. All around me I see people falling apart at the seams. And while much of the discord and brokenness is self-afflicted, it is still very unsettling. I am reminded of the many times that I have seemingly wandered aimlessly through a wilderness of doubt and fear. Self-deprecation and abasement have often left me searching for the sense of purpose or hope that makes life what is was meant to be. What I have found in so many times, is that in several case I am the primary cause for the wilderness I walk through. I have found that in times when I should have been faithful to prayer and study, I was lazy. When I should have sought council, I cowered in a corner of self-pity and pride. I am an advocate for life's experiences to make and shape me into the person I have been called to be; however, I also prefer the reality of honesty that demands I quit being a 0verstimulated toddler who gets whatever he wants and wets his pants if he doesn't! Also, I recognize that some of life's experiences were beyond my control. That in fact I had little if any say in how the events of life unfolded. Realizing this was incredibly important to me. When I could accept that in some ways, my life is truly not my own. That in so many moments, if not all of them, the Hand of God was present and directing my life well beyond my own dominion. -While I recognize that this concept will not set well with those who naively assume that they hung the sun they stare at daily or painted the grass that grows without their assistance, it is not my objective to entertain the simplicity of "popular science" as it is contrasted with rudimentry logic- I am currently where God had foreknew I would be. It is not a suprise to Him; therefore, it should not surprise me. I will welcome the challenges of daily living knowing that as the day passes, new challenges will arrive-whether I anticipate them or not. As a result, I will trust Him who breathed into a pile of dirt and created my father. He alone is able to see the end; therefore, I will trust that it is worth more than what I see today. I will step out of the boat and pray I don't sink-trusting that I won't.

When the Dust Just Won't Settle

2006-03-28T10:44:00.000-08:00

There are days when I just cannot seem to make sense of anything. Days when I look outside and see a beautiful sunny day and wonder, "where's the rain?". I have been conditioned to expect the worse of all situations so that the impact of failure or loss is not near as traumatic. However, I am still somewhat suprised whenever the bottom falls out. There have been seasons of my life when I have wondered what is the point? When will this end? When will I be able to square up my shoulders again and face the storm? Do I need to face the storm or can I just hide in my bed with the covers pulled indiscrimanately over my head to sheild from me the day's events just waiting to overtake me like a phone call from a telemarketer at dinner?
The fact is that most of life's common dilemmas do not stem from a lack of preparation or being outright oblivious to reality. In actuality most of life's difficulties are often rooted in my inability to resolve the already present difficulties. Therefore, when new difficulties arise they are simply added to my already heavy bag of burdens. Perhaps the pain of a loss loved one or a relationship that ended badly continue to cause grief. Maybe the uncertainty of a life's occupation or a miscarriage plague my everyday thoughts so readily that I can't seem to break free of doubt and fear. It is these emotions that cause my unsettled spirit to lash out in anger or scoff in in disbelief of greater things. My soul longs for peace, but my mind treasures its misery. I desire more than the emptiness, but find that at least in my emptiness there is no risk of more failure.
I have learned that this is not the pattern of a heart that is mended, but is still broken. Broken by failed relationships or addictions that will not be curbed. I have found that more times than not it is because I will not let myself be forgiven for not doing "everything I could have to prevent this or that". For not being willing to accept my own limitations as a human being. For expecting more of myself than is both realistic and expected. It is when I begin to admit this that peace begins to flow. It is when I begin to see my life as a part of a puzzle and not the puzzle itself, that my stress begins to dissolve. When I see my accomplishments as testimonies of the daily pursuit of life's dream and not as my measuring rod for self-worth, I am less concerned about long term benefits and more interested in "sucking the marrow out of life". I realize that life is not about what it looks like when its done, as much as what it looks like when I lived it!

Living with No Regrets!

2006-03-23T14:44:00.000-08:00

I have spent an unnecessary amount of my time wondering what life might have been like if I had done something different. Would I be more wealthy or could I have kept off that 30 pounds? So much of my focus has often been, " what could I have been if only...". The truth is that life is full moments that are neglectful. Times when I could have been nicer, more assertive, more on task, even more lazy! But those times have passed. And I am certainly not able to dupe the sands of time and jump back long enough to correct those "fatal" flaws. It is much better when I can admit that and know that no matter what happens, today is far more important than yesterday. Even more valuable than that what is to come, is the worth of being here right now. We were not designed to labor for no cost, nor were we built to rest in the day. We were crafted to have life in all its abundance. Celebrate Today, as you will never get it again!

Forever a beggar

2006-03-18T19:25:00.000-08:00

forever a beggar